Wrestling

My life is a wrestle. I feel as though I’m in constant battle with myself, with God, or the adversary, and I’m hoping I’m not the only one. Maybe you feel like you’re wrestling with finances, unanswered prayers, marriage, depression, motherhood, grief, loss, virtue, habits, anger, doubts, or addictions. I feel as though I always am, and I want to talk about it. 

After the October 2019 General Conference weekend was over, I told my husband that I was starting to feel an increased amount of opposition in every aspect of my life. Conference weekend gave me time to reflect on the positive changes I had made over the past year, and I recognized a direct correlation between my attention to my church’s Come, Follow Me curriculum and my increased capacity to both receive and act upon revelation from Heaven. I also recognized that because my spiritual capacity had increased (and still is), Satan’s target on my back has enlarged as well. It’s not a pleasant realization, but lately I have been prompted to study God’s armor and dig into the doctrine of equipping myself for battle against Satan’s army. I recently finished the books Putting on the Armor of God by Stephen Cramer and Armor by Kim B. Clark, and I’ve been awakened to the fact that we truly are in a wrestle each day. We are all wrestling our individual demons, whatever they may be, but as God’s children, we are also in one giant wrestle against those things Paul lists in Ephesians 6. Here’s a recap: “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against:

• Principalities
• Powers
• Rulers of darkness of this world
• Spiritual wickedness in high places”

Oh, and we’re also trying to “quench the fiery darts of the wicked” at the same time (Ephesians 6:12, 16)! Overwhelmed much?

As I read those verses over and over again, the word “wrestle” stood out to me. I feel I have a relatively good grip on WHY we must wrestle—most people understand that flowers don’t grow without rain and dirt; muscles only get weaker without opposition; real, life-long learning doesn’t happen without a good ol’ wrestle with trials every now and then. But what about the HOW? How am I supposed to keep up my strength day to day, year in and year out? And is it even worth it? Paul gives his counsel in Ephesians 6:13-18, but I wanted to know how to apply his advice to my own wrestles.

I turned to the scriptures to study the word “wrestle” and discovered that some of the most iconic figures throughout latter-day scripture know what it is to wrestle. Here are a few story summaries:

• In Genesis 32, Jacob wrestled with a heavenly messenger all night. He then received a new name, a blessing, and reassurance of his standing with God (and even saw God’s face) AFTER his night-long wrestle. 
• In Enos 1, Enos wrestled before God all day and all night in prayer. He received a remission of his sins and charity for his brethren AFTER his prayerful wrestle. He began to receive unshakable faith AFTER “struggling in the spirit,” and the Lord granted him his faithful desires AFTER he “prayed and labored with all diligence.” 
• In Alma 8, Alma “labored much in the spirit” and wrestled with God in mighty prayer on behalf of the people of Ammonihah. His prayer wasn’t answered immediately, but he did receive strength and instruction from an angel AFTER he was reviled, spit upon, cast out of the city, weighed down with sorrow, and waded through much tribulation and anguish of soul. 

There aren’t very many scriptural accounts that use the word “wrestle,” but as I started pondering the lives of my scriptural heroes, I realized that they all “wrestled” with one thing or another. Their stories even shared how they came off conquerors. Here are a few more:

• Esther likely wrestled with fear as she faced death and the destruction of her people. It wasn’t until after she fasted for three days with her maids and “all the Jews…in Shushan” that she gathered courage enough to face these fears and talk to the king (Esther 4-7). Even then, it took her a few more meetings with the king to tell him about Haman’s plot against her people. 
• Nephi tells us of his “wrestle” with his own flesh. Although he was anguished because of his “natural man-ness”, he chose daily to engage in the wrestle for complete trust in the Lord (2 Nephi 4).
• Gideon “wrestled” with doubt and insecurity, but he chose to let the Lord guide him. With the Lord’s instruction, he defeated the numberless Midianite army with an army of 300 men (Judges 6-7).
• Christ himself wrestled with the weight of our salvation. He did “tremble because of pain,” and bled “at every pore…to suffer both body and spirit—and would that [He] might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink.” But, as the perfect example of completing any wrestle, he “partook and finished [His] preparations unto the children of men” (D&C 19).